I need to speak out about it, because this issue is one far too many people deal with.
This post isn't specifically agreeable to either of the two divided halves that Americans fall under. I don't even have a specific divide in mind, just the fact that we tend to divide ourselves before we find common ground. We're either friends or enemies. Friends are the ones that agree with everything you believe, enemies are the ones that disagree with anything you believe. BUT, I ask that you might set aside any predisposition you have to discrediting what I say on the basis of some unrelated divide we might have.
I started writing this because I was texting my girlfriend, and I wrote some things that I thought were worth sharing. Here's what I said: "so many of us have mental health issues and the worst part is that everyone thinks its their own fault. I cant even help it, I think this feeling of impending doom I feel all the time is my own fault. Its so fucked up. Its such a common joke about anxiety and it works because its so relatable. This isn't normal and it isn't ok. This world is terrifying and the terror comes from the people that are supposed to keep us safe" "Most kids have a weed habit or a nicotine habit or an alcohol habit and its just the coping mechanism for living in the world we live in" "It is literally a life lived on a specifically defined track under the threat of punishment" "They killed off the last hippie movement, who knows if they even realized it was a movement to keep humans human"
I've been noticing recently that way too many people in my generation experience mental health issues. And when I say way too many, I mean pretty much everyone. Anxiety has become the frequent butt of a joke among people my age. The reason it works so well as a 'joke' is because its so relatable. Anxiety shouldn't be so common, why does this happen?
Not just anxiety either, mental health issues as a whole have a very significant presence in people of my generation. However, I can't really attest to what it was like for my parents generation, so I cant really say that its worse now. The reason I'm making the assumption is because there is no chance in hell that shit would be going the way it is now if they did have problems like this, to the same degree. It would be a mess.
It is amazing how many people I know, my friends, that have gone to mental hospitals to get their mind back together. It is way too common. I saw a tiktok today, a girl making a joke about her time at the mental hospital. The joke was essentially that her mom was very worried about her being in the mental hospital, while she was having a blast playing dodgeball with the others in there. I guess they play dodgeball in there, sounds like they have more fun than the rest of us. It occurred to me that it isn't really an issue of them having a mental health issue, there isn't anything wrong with anyone. I saw it and I thought 'damn dude that sounds fun I wanna play dodgeball, just have a good time'. That's when I realized that we just want to feel like ourselves and be free. That girl just needed some time away from the pressure put on her, the same pressure put on all of us.
Our whole generation, the ones with so-called 'mental health issues', are just normal humans. There is nothing wrong with them. The saddest part is that they think their mental health issues are their own faults. It isn't. It isn't because of some inherent flaw, something in your genes. Not your fault.
There is an incessant pressure put on us to work far too hard, to fit too much into a day. To cut out being a person to make time for more studying, to work overtime, to make money. Why are we trying to get so much done, what are we trying to beat? Death? Seems to me that at the end of it we die, why is there a pressure to cut out what makes life good, to make time for what makes life profitable? The profit isn't even for your benefit!
Have you ever noticed how profound the message is, to work hard and make money? A ridiculous illusion, poisoning the minds of impressionable youth. If you look for it, it's everywhere. The message has become so well spread that you probably even hold those ideals and spread it yourself. You probably think if you don't have money you wont be happy. You probably tell other people that's how it is. Seems kind of like a threat, doesn't it? Do you even know why you think that? Do you think that's really true?
You know, a feeling of impending doom is one of the signs and symptoms of shock. If that's the case then I've been in a state of prolonged shock, for a very very prolonged period. You know what else? States of prolonged shock lead to death. Actually, one way or another, the way death actually finally occurs is always a result of shock. Swear to god. Heart attack death? That's cardiogenic shock. Car crash spinal injury death? Neurogenic shock. It scares me, kind of gives me this feeling of impending doom.
I always kind of hated that there is a symptom of shock that extremely accurately depicts how I feel on a regular basis. Fucking impending doom. It's just a stress, albeit a quite extreme one. Impending doom because I got a 68 on my last biochemistry exam, and if I don't get a good grade in the class then I wont get a good GPA. If I don't get a good GPA then I won't get into medical school. If I don't get into medical school then I won't become a doctor and make a lot of money for myself. Father America, CEO of getting fucking bread, doesn't like that either. Father America gets a cut of my paycheck, and a cut of the painkillers I'll overprescribe, and a cut of the $8000 bag of saltwater I gave someone through a needle, and the debt that my patients will have to pay off, and the insurance my patients pay for but don't see any benefits of. Impending doom for everything else that doesn't keep me on this track to making money, and subsequently being happy. I was manipulated to think that way too.
I feel a pretty strong anger towards the people that impose these values on the American people. I know it is my fault for having the anger, for it is me who could not forgive. But fuck it. Just let me get my hands on those rothschilds or rockafellers, jeff bezos or bill gates, or those god damn politicians. I'm proud to hold that anger, I know how to give it up too but I won't. No chance I'll forgive them just so I can be more at peace about everything. Those types of people deserve no forgiveness, no mercy.
Turn on the news and everyone is angry. You are too. You just don't really know why you're angry, and don't notice how easily you start to experience that suppressed anger again. You think you know, but that's probably just a result of the propaganda that everyone calls 'news'. The reason you're angry isn't because white people are oppressing you. It isn't because BLM protestors trashed a city. It isn't because of whatever it is that your favorite news channel or politician tells you to be angry about. The reason you're angry is because you are being abused. Abused in an extremely complex and well thought out way. Ways like subtle advertisements and news articles that are just a little bit biased and manipulative, but not enough to be noticed. At every single opportunity these ideas are drilled into your head, you don't have a choice whether they get to affect you.
You know how the police watch what you do and make sure you don't drive too fast or smoke pot? You ever noticed how you're the police too? You don't think so, I know. But you do think your neighbor is an asshole for not cutting his crass often enough. Your coworker is an asshole for driving a diesel truck that gets 8mpg. Your coworker is an asshole for riding his bike and shoving it in your face that he supports saving the environment. That person on the highway is an asshole for driving too fast. That person that is driving too slow in front of you? Fucking asshole. You're watching everyone else, and they're watching you too. We don't even realize it but we're policing each others actions, to promote conformity to a type that isn't good for any of us and none of us really want. We got played.
America you have lost your freedom
